if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
