AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Randomize
