why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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