Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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