Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This toilet bowl is my home.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
