As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
