My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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