So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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