and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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