i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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