if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
did you just send me my own nude
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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