we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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