Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
