You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
