I smell stomach acid.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The power of my boobs compel you
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
