I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
