Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
