Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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