Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
