you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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