dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
