I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
