Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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