"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
