There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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