Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
