Your mouth is God's brothel.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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