I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
