Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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