MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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