Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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