New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
