It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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