oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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