Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
