Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
