So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
