i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
