i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
