My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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