I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
