Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Randomize
