11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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