Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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