i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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