my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
