Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
