I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
