he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
