Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
